you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
