Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
