I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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