remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
