Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You've changed since you got that strap on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
