I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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