just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
