I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
