they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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