Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was born a porn star she said
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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