is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
