Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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