Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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