You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
