I CAN MOONWALK!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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