well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
