whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
