could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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