In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
