No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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