i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
