she woke up with a sticky ear
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
