its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
