i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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