hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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