the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Damn victory sex feels great
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
