'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
