just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
