I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
