Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
