It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
