he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
