I cannot find my penis.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
