Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
