Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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