I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
