wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
