guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
