I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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