ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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