you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
