something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
