i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
