Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
