I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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