I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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