How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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