Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
