I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
