I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
